Shit is the word, it represents how i feel right now. soft, gooey, stinks and full of germs.
Ive been asking for it and now that u finally agreed, I feel all gloomy. what the fuck do i want?
I Miss You, I Love You, Always have
however I may portray them, whatever words Ive said.
I cant forget, I cant forgive, I cant accept, I cant give u what u want and neither can u.
there are times that I feel like hugging u so tight and say I Love u babe..
feeling wanting to kiss you.. and its killing me, I miss our good times together
but I cant go back, I just cant and I dont want to.
how do I go from here..???
niEnnA ANariOn todAys JouRnEy @ 1:45 PM
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
Nuka Main Air
niEnnA ANariOn todAys JouRnEy @ 9:46 AM
Saturday, January 29, 2011
ASI (breastmilk) is the BEST!
I want to talk about ASI cuz mothers need to heighten their awareness on how important ASI is. ASI is Air Susu Ibu or Mother's breastmilk in english. Yesterday I read about an upcoming plan of making ASI a (an ONLY) compulsory food for the 1st 6months of baby's life as a law in Indonesia. U can read the news here http://www.tvone.co.id/mobile/read.php?id=47642.
ASI is really important for our baby, cuz it provides everything and is not replaceable. U can find a lot of infos about it on the web.
Quoting from the news:
"Berdasarkan penelitian, pemberian ASI eksklusif selama enam bulan dan meneruskan pemberian ASI hingga anak berusia dua tahun terbukti dapat mencegah penyakit seperti kanker anak, pneumonia, diare, kegemukan, diabetes, penyakit jantung dan pembuluh darah, alergi dan asma."
"Pengiklanan besar-besaran yang dilakukan produsen susu formula selama ini dinilai telah membujuk para ibu untuk tidak lagi memberikan ASI karena diiming-imingi manfaat susu formula yang seakan-akan lebih baik dari ASI."
"Selain itu, PP ASI juga akan mengatur mengenai kewajiban bagi kantor untuk menyediakan ruangan bagi ibu menyusui, termasuk kewajiban bagi manajer memberikan kelonggaran bagi karyawan perempuan menyusui. "
"Hal itu untuk menjamin bayi mendapat ASI ekslusif selama enam bulan pertama karena ASI merupakan makanan ideal dan tidak dapat digantikan oleh susu formula."
What really saddened me is, mothers nowadays prefers to give their baby formulated milk so they can have free time n can go out n leave their baby at home, now I'm not talking about a specific person, but this is the typical mommies nowadays, that doesn't fight hard, that is hopeless easily that their breastmilk isn't enough. U r bound to not have free time because u r a MOM! U have a few titles now, don't expect things will be the same as when u didn't have a child, out freely, hangout w ur friends. Ur child needs all of ur time n needs YOU to take care of them, instead of somebody else.
Now don't give up easily on breastfeeding, I never said its easy, but try to give ur best, fight ur hardest, u r trying to give the best n the best don't come free n easy so u got to sacrifice n fight. Fighting w hormons n wondering whether ur breastmilk is enough is normal, when u think ur breastmilk isn't enough, check:
1. The less u breastfeed, the less ur milk is, don't give in to temptation to give formulated milk, ur child is impatient that's how they are, but be patient the more u breastfeed the more it produces milk, it'll produces more n more n will be enough for ur baby, be confident. How do u know its enough? By being patient n keep breastfeeding until its the baby's regular check n see if her/his weight gain is within target which is 600gr-1kg weight gain.
2. Eat regularly and Eat healthy, minimum of 3x a day, MUST have breakfast, lunch and dinner, do NOT do diet, don't be selfish, ur feeding ur baby as well, this isn't about u, don't make it about u. U put urself #2 n put ur baby's #1. Check ur priority.
3. Be patient, I know the routine u do as a mom everyday is somewhat frustrating n boring to be honest, but be patient, the bigger ur baby is the more time u have for urself n friends n the more independent she is, by the time ur baby is 2, u can delegate a YOU time.
4. Fathers aka Husbands need to lower their EGO, wifey has no time for u n take care of u? priority check don't make this about u drama daddy, help ur wifey in taking care of ur baby, therefore u n wife r sharing burdens, thefore empathy between eachother is heighten n time of being n doing things together is there. There is NO such things, ur a mother its ur job, its a dad's job too to help take care a baby, its YOUR baby isn't it.
5. Moms if ur bored, get some fresh air, go out to the malls or something, u need it, its gonna be troublesome as u will be breastfeeding n taking care of ur baby when ur out, she/he will cry n u won't have time to eat, that's why u need support from ur loved ones, which is ur husband n ur mom, sis/bro to help u. Get everybody to hand in a hand, to participate.
The point is, u need to breastfeed ur baby, as it is the most important food, their shield for the future, their future health, when they're big they wouldn't be so easily tired n sick n truly this is a fact. The reward of breastfeeding your baby is priceless, can not be counted with amount of money, it equips them with strength n health which u n ur baby can appreciate later. U can't urself a high achiever, ambitious, hard worker, self motivator if u don't work hard in providing the best health for ur baby, if u can't motivate urself to breastfeed, if u don't achieve high enough to breastfeed, the true high achiever is mom who breastfeed 6months-2years to their babies. That put themselves after their baby. If u can give ur best to ur career n society, u should be able to give ur best to ur child right? #justsaying
So before u give up on breastfeeding, think again, check ur priority, lower ur ego, fight hard n don't give up! If I can do it, anybody can :) remember its for ur OWN baby, why compromise?
I hope this blog helps u in some way. Thanks for reading :)
niEnnA ANariOn todAys JouRnEy @ 8:39 AM
Saturday, January 15, 2011
mother x poverty
When you're taking a public transportation, it would be a definite to see poverty on the streets, disabled people, elderly begging for money, women with child, child sleeping on the streets, and its a heart-breaker.
I saw this lady with her 9-ish months old baby in front of Bank bptn Plaza Pondok Indah (I was inside 102 btw), she was picking up trash and I could see she was tired, she was caressing her baby's head but I didn't see what happened, she probably knock the baby's head to something accidentally, and the baby was crying.. She caressed her baby and baby was finally stopped crying, and there was pile of boxes so she put her baby inside the box so she can move freely and gather the trash n boxes, but the baby wants to be held by her mommy so he cried, as any mommy would, she picked her baby and baby instantly stopped crying and continue gathering trash with her baby being held. She didn't show many expressions, it only shows tiredness. I saw them and imagined being her and with Nuka, I'm really sad that the baby had to go through all of that although I know he doesn't actually understand what poverty is and he probably doesn't care, all he cares is love from mom and dad and milk. But props to his mommy for gathering trash instead of begging for money, it shows even though life is tough, she's still trying. I prayed for the kid's life to be better in the future and may he finds happiness always.
On the other hand..
I was walking on the crossing bridge and saw a mom w a crawling baby like 7-8 months old sitting up there on the middle, u do know how a crossing bridge in Jakarta looks like right? Small pillars with space and the baby was holding on to the pillars and her mommy (maybe) was holding her n talking to her looking down pointing down to the cars on the road. It is definitely not an environment for a crawling baby to be in at all!!! It is very dangerous, although she was holding her, anything can happen, she could fall right on the road!!! My God! I wanted to give them money but it also says I'm supporting her to be there, she'll continue on begging because people keep giving. Is it really no other choice than begging? Can't they really find a job? For example as a maid. They probably think why should I be a maid when my salary is higher by sitting here begging. Serba salah banget. Government should really pay attention to child safety on the streets, babies, kids should nowhere be in the streets at all :(
niEnnA ANariOn todAys JouRnEy @ 2:27 PM
Sunday, January 02, 2011
Hi again, im back :D
Finally topping up my bb w an unlimited BIS plan again, now I can blog again.
What's new with me? Its my 2nd month working as a Store Manager at a Fashion Retail, 3rd month I'll run my own store and also the launching of the new store! All in all I love working here, its much less tiring than working in a 5* airline (u kno where I worked) and much less politic (so far), I'm sure there are still surprises around the corner but I'm ready to face it :)
Downsides of the job so far: getting night shifts, altho I can spend the day w nuka, coming home around 11-12pm and working on a morning shift the day after feels like I see so little time of Nuka.
Working 7-9days straight n extra hours during sale is on or a launching
Shopping during sale on our own brand is most of the times inevitable *sigh* :p
I think that's about it so far.. But its nothing to complain about :)
niEnnA ANariOn todAys JouRnEy @ 5:22 PM
Monday, October 18, 2010
Bilal Landy said it wasnt him.
So you probably remember the name Bilal Landy.. yup its that guy i wrote on my blog a while ago.
so i got a message from him a cpl of months ago saying it wasnt him and he didnt do that, his defense would be he checked his friendster on warnet a lot and forgot to sign out and he only just found out about this recently from reading my blog he somehow found. so there ive told y'all how it is. forgive the fellow, lets just hope he was being honest :)
he want me to clear his name out and delete the posting i made. and i havent had the time to write this because im busy BEING A MOM, i have more important things to do!
so NO im not gonna delete anything i posted here.. im only gonna tell you all what he said. so you'll be the judge.
niEnnA ANariOn todAys JouRnEy @ 2:56 PM
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
a blog for my daughter
I've been thinking of a form of writing letters or a diary for my daughter to read when she's much bigger.. I hope this letters helps her in some way if ever I'm not around anymore(knock on wood) or I can't help or forget things she needed to know about her or about how I was w her when she was a baby.. U know when you're w your mom and dad, brothers gathered, ur havin quality time w quality conversations, talking about how ur parents met, funny stories, how u were when ur a baby, little tiny information that makes u smile.. I wanna write infos about how to take care baby too, so if she has one herself and I forgot, I can refer and let her read my blog-will blogger has this forever database on their server? I hope-, cus I've encountered someone who forgots how they took care baby and its like ultra dissapoinment, how it could help me so much, it stresses me out not having someone to ask about stuff, to calm me, to help me w things and I don't wanna be like her, I wanna be able to help my daughter or my daughter in law, answers her worries, questions, calms her, help take care of my grandbabies, not looking clueless.
Here's little tiny infos: I met ur daddy at the gym U were born 3170gr and 49cm, 9 nov 09, 22:35 Daddy named u Shanuka from a little girl on his dream yelling anuka, but I refused to give u that name to prevent people making fun of ur name, so we added sh in the beginning, on the internet anuka means wishful I named u Emmanuela from the bible, it means God be with us, so God will always be with u, protect u and guide u in ur life let's forget ur last name cuz its ugly, Panjaitan suits u more :) Until today I've only found 2 birthmarks, 1 small one just around ur neck line, 1 bigger one on ur left tummy side, brown color U were able to flip on your back when you were 4-4,5mos, a bit late cuz u were pretty chubby, u hated when I gave u tummy time, cuz u weren't able to roll back, once ur able to roll on ur tummy, it was just a finger snap for u to roll back then roll around I fought really hard to be able to breastfeed u exclusively and so happy n proud to have achieved it n still continue-ing to breastfeed.. Pray for mommy to reach at least a year U love to babble "nggu" when u were 1-2mos so we called u nggu lotsa times U were able to sit when u were almost 6ish mos, and mastered it when u were 7ish U were able to stand up holding on to something when u r 7,5mos and now that ur 8mos, u love standing up, getting stronger and stronger.. That's all I can tell u for now princess :) I'll put more later..
I won't ever be tired saying to u this "I love you baby, with all my heart and life, I am so grateful to have you, your God given gift, bestfriends for life, together forever, we'll have eachother's back n shoulders, I will never leave u, I can't live without u, mommy loves u Shanuka, never ever believe differently" -Mommy-
niEnnA ANariOn todAys JouRnEy @ 4:03 PM
Monday, May 24, 2010
a NEW beginning..
how r u and how have u been? thats the right question to where have i been this past few years.
its been too long, too long indeed that i havent written anything here.. :) i missed u i really do.. i have been wanting to write, but i havent had the time this past year, some of the reasons are: 1. being a mommy dont let u breath 2. when i do have a chance i seem to have more important thing to do than writing 3. i dont seem to know where to start 4. it always seem so personal as my other posts were hahah
my friends yansta, cheryl and aya has just started blogging again, thats why im starting also..
just to clear everything up to y'all that has been wondering whats the deal with me (yes, i know you have been askin, wonderin and gossipin - dont worry its normal -) 1. Yes, Im married 2. Yes, Im a mother, Her name is Shanuka Emmanuela, she's 6months old now.. just started eating.. :) she's the most adorable thing ever, she's my life. anything else u wanna kno, i'll be glad to answer.. DIRECTLY..
i think this is enuff for a start, what do you guys think??
niEnnA ANariOn todAys JouRnEy @ 7:45 PM
Thursday, February 14, 2008
U know a loser when u see one.. dont you..?? sometime it takes a moment or two.. most of the times u just know it..
well i was taking a public transportation about 1+ year ago.. and this guy came up to me said he followed me from where i took the bus by a motorcycle.. which was from Gandaria to Ciputat (scary inst it??psycho like.. ) and he complimented me and wanted to know me and asked for my number.. and i didnt give him and he said "oh r u a model? my sister is a model too", i said "oo yea" i showed her good manner and i was nice.. but still i didnt give him my number. turned out his sister is my junior at Wajah Femina.. he insisted to get my number but i refused and if im not mistaken he wants me to add him on friendster.. (like it wud make much a difference pfft) so i add him cuz i was being nice.. and thats about the only contact ive ever made.
and this loser msgd me a few days back.. after replying a cpl of times.. this is the conversation :
--- This Has been edited by the request of the person ---
niEnnA ANariOn todAys JouRnEy @ 2:59 PM
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
I dont deserve this..
bullied, yelled, picked on, they tried to find my mistakes and whatnot.. smiled, sorry, thank you, stayed and coped with the culture.. eat it all up, was so stressed up till i got sick.. eventho so.. I tried my best to perform and sincerely do my job, man i kno Im hardworking.. man u can ask ppl that checked me.. but of course i have negatives that i need to work on, im not perfect.. but why do they have to focus on my weaknesses.. isnt my positives are more than my negatives? my average score passed the requirement to clear the plate.. no complaints, no mc, no disciplinary lapses, a cpl of compliment letters.. isnt that more than enough to take in consideration? but what do i get? extended of the plate.. and I dont deserve this.. I mite as well give them attitude, called in sick, being lazy.. what i gave was none of em.. Gosh what did i do to deserve this?? this is unfair.. they dont even give me a say in this.. its so messed up.. its rotten hell.. and they cudnt find a better time to tell me this? superb. u know what will happen? they will see me in one eye, they will think i cant work.. and keep on doing what they do best.. and i wont take it anymore.. ive had enuff. what would u do if u were me?
and i have a plan for it.. just wait..
niEnnA ANariOn todAys JouRnEy @ 4:46 AM
Monday, December 03, 2007
It would be nice to have
Someone by myside right now, someone to hold my hand, someone to kiss my cheek and say I missed you, someone to kiss my lips and say I love you, someone to hug me and say I need you, someone to sleep on the other side and hug me from my back and just hold me. someone to kiss my shoulder and my neck slowly with love and gives me chills when he does it, someone who would walk with me with pride like he's lucky to have me and will looks at me in the eye and smile and doesnt let me go.
someone whos not shy to show the needed affection infront of public and whos not afraid to be dissed by his boys by doing so, who i can cry to when i need someone. who i can talk to for hours and talk about anything, everything or nothing at all. someone who i can laugh with and joke with. someone who gets my silly jokes or not so funny jokes (haha). someone who would compliment me when i look nice. someone who would text me a simple msg like "I miss you", "I love you", "Thinking about you" eventho im right beside him or in the same building. someone who would give the most modest gift but mean something wether its just a card, flowers, a pic frame with our pics inside. someone who would randomly call me and say I just wanna tel you I miss you or just wanna hear your voice. someone who would surprise me with simple things, someone who i can slow dance with, someone who i can grind too (hihi). someone who is funny and make me laugh. someone who is a family man, someone who is smart, someone who can dance, someone who can dress nice when he needs to and definitely has style.
someone who gives a damn of what i think and say, someone who makes time for me, someone who believes in Jesus, someone who is sweet and thoughtful, someone who can understand what im feelin, of why I do things and say things. someone who can be my water when im angry, someone who supports me on the things that I do, someone who would tell me im wrong and control me when I need to, someone who is not posesive and give me freedom to hangout with whoever I want unless he gives me a good reason not to, someone who is not jealous most of the time but can be jealous at somethings sometimes, someone who is true to his words and mean it, someone who is careful of his promise and keep it, someone who is loyal and adores me, someone who appreciate me and wouldnt take me for granted, someone who accept me for who i am, someone who is hopefully taller than me and athletic (BWAHAHA), someone who doesnt have to be good looking but isnt ugly too, someone who has good taste in music, someone who isnt a playa, someone who knows how to treat and respect a woman. someone who is one lady man, someone who is genuine, someone who is sensitive to a certain degree, someone who loves kids, someone who loves me truely, someone who doesnt give me a reason to doubt him in anyway, someone who would understand the rights that i have as a gf. someone who is a gentleman, someone who is not stingy.
the list the list.. ck ck ck someone who I think is too much to ask, someone who i think is impossible to exist in this world, even if he exist that someone would probably belong to some lucky girl but not me, again im dreaming. I think there are more on the list but i cant think of any right now.. =)
check out his Myspace for tours and shows or just to msg him or whatever. was known as Thicke who sang When i get u alone and Brand new jones, the guy with long hair who kinda look like Jesus at that time.. My fav songs would be Can You Believe, I need Love, Angels.. all the songs in the album sounds real nice, beautiful and sweet.. Mostly talks about Love. worth to check out!! gadamn is more than worth to check out.
A guy who goes by the name of Passion, real name Jeremy Manongdo.. Punang showed me him a week ago.. and I fell in love with his voice as soon as i heard him sing.. its Beautiful and God given talent.. totally superb.. soothing and aaaaarrghh amazing.. gives u chills man.. Hopefully he's performing when im in San fran after xmas.. u can easily find him on youtube or his youtube page My fav song from him is Lemonade.. and when he did a cover for JT's my love, the stupid things by robin thicke, and well lots of it.. he does a lot of Gospel songs.. which gives a Plus to him.. u can check out his myspace or his soundclick
By my Idol Angelina Jolie.. about a Jewish american reporter named Daniel Pearl who was based in Karachi, Pakistan and captured by moslem extrimist as her Husband, She plays as Mariane Pearl. this is based on a true story.. check it out.. and check the real story behind it too. very tragic, sad and inspiring.
niEnnA ANariOn todAys JouRnEy @ 7:10 PM
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Roster for December
1 : Jakarta - Spore 2 : day off 3 : Spore - Rome 4-6 : Rome 7 : Rome - Spore 8 : Spore 9-10 : Days off 11 : Standby 1 12 : Day off 13 : Penang turnaround 14 : Spore - Amsterdam 15-16 : Amsterdam 17 : Amsterdam - Spore 18 : Spore 19-20 : Days off 21 : Colombo turnaround 22 : day off 23 : Denpasar turnaround 24 : day off 25 : Spore - Hongkong 26 : Hongkong - SF 27 : SF 28 : SF - Hongkong (+1 day) 30-31 : Hongkong
niEnnA ANariOn todAys JouRnEy @ 4:07 AM
I finished watching hollywoodland an hour ago.. I didnt know what it is about, all that i know its recent, didnt kno it was based on a real life characters and when i watched the movie this character George reeves was acting as a Superman (Im a big fan of Superman btw) and i was thinking.. "hmmm does he has anything to do with Christopher reeve?" (anyways the answer is No, ive looked thru it.. little did i know he was the 1st actor to play Superman) anyways i waited till the movie finishes then i continued wondering.. then the movie ended and didnt really give any exact conclusion to what really happened. so i was like "what the?" so I was curious, like always i browsed thru google, wikipedia and stuff and read up about it the movie and facts about the real life.. Interesting and sad.. so thats why they said theres a curse for actors who stars as Superman.. but i thought that only happened to Christopher reeves and Dean cain.. didnt know the name of the 1st guy which is George reeves. well hopefully nothing happens to the hottie Tom Welling and Brandon Routh.. hehehe..
anyways as i was browsing thru superman stuff.. i was looking to read christopher's reeves wikipedia and see who his wife is and how she looks like and i was curious how his son looks like too.. I just found out that Dana reeve died 1 and a half year after Chris died.. and left their own child alone and suddenly i felt really sad wondering how he is and how he would feel. Godddd thats really sad and it must be tough for him losing both his parents in the last 3 years. Tried to look for his latest news, but nothing i cud find. I read he lives with his bestfriend's family now, well I hope he's alright, i hope he lives with a good family and really do care for him and nothing about money whatsoever. God bless him and all people who have lost their loved ones. be strong..
niEnnA ANariOn todAys JouRnEy @ 3:22 AM
Monday, November 05, 2007
sigh.. i havent write for so long..
I dun really kno what i want to write, it prolly will only be complaining about where im living right now and the people here.. how i dont like it and stuff..
I dun even know why im a bit down now, its just a sudden.. after a conversation and a bit of webcam.. and nothing bad happened but it just makes me sad afterwards and i dun even know what im sad about.. and why. its silly and i hate it.
I hate the feeling. I fuckin hate it. I better pray now..
Peace (in mind)
Roster for November 01 Nov : Copenhagen - Singapore 02 Nov : Spore 3-4 Nov : Days off 05 Nov : Spore - Melbourne 06 Nov : Melbourne 07 Nov : Melbourne - Spore 8-9 Nov : days off 10 Nov : Hongkong turnaround 11 Nov : day off 12 Nov : Penang turnaround 13 Nov : Spore - Amsterdam 14-15 Nov : Amsterdam 16 Nov : Amsterdam - Spore 17 Nov : Spore 18-19 Nov : Days off 20 Nov : Denpasar turnaround 21 Nov : day off 22 Nov : Standby 2 23 Nov : day off 24 Nov : spore - Johannesburg 25 Nov : Johannesburg 26 Nov : Johannesburg - Spore 27 Nov : Spore 28-29 Nov : Days off 30 Nov : Spore - Jakarta
niEnnA ANariOn todAys JouRnEy @ 3:05 AM
Monday, July 30, 2007
My boyfriend is a model?
Well actually not.. but he can be, right? He was in this Thaicatwalk show, for his friend Nut who has a store in Bangkok Thailand. Looking from the picture.. Rick has lots of confident and definitely look good hahahah.. proud of you beb.
niEnnA ANariOn todAys JouRnEy @ 4:41 PM
My Mom and Dad
U know every girl, woman.. whatever happens, at the end they would break down and cry to their moms, even guys i think.. except for the crying part. mom always knows best. whether ur married or not married, mom will always there for you. only her and God..
Ive been calling my mom often lately, I just need someone to talk right now.. and I know my mom will be there for me.. after a bad mood and a bad conversation.. i called her.. and there my mom answered my call with a happy voice.. "Hallooooooo naaaakk" hehehe and it eased my heart a bit, for the past few times i called.. my dad is there listening to my conversation with mom on the other fone.. he only talk when he needs to. My dad.. he's not much of a word person.. but by listening to me and mom talking.. i know he miss me but he just doesnt know how to say it or act upon it. Im happy to know that he's there listening to me and sometimes talk when i asked him questions. My mom and Dad is a completely different person, my mom talks a lot, my dad barely talks.. I love when im telling my stories and mom would give me a good advice like "sabar ajalah ya nak, ibu pendeta udah doain koq and bla bla bla" and my dad will give a bad advice like "kalo dia marah2, gopalhon (pukul) aja biar tau rasa dia, kalo bapak, bapak pukul itu" hahahah but it would make me laugh.. and on the other side mom would say.. "eh jangan, jangan ikutin bapak kau itu" so funny.. after talking to them, I feel better.. but ONLY, ONLY if they dont talk about money. if they do, my rage would definitely raise and conversation would be short hehehe. Lately its been good.. and i like it, cuz i know mom would always be there to comfort me.. and I love at the end of the conversation she would say.. "Mama sayang kau ya nak, mama cium ya.. Muah" I love you too mom.. muah.
niEnnA ANariOn todAys JouRnEy @ 1:35 PM
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Singing it once again.. its a bit different, cuz i dun agree in some of the lyrics.
I want somebody to share Share the rest of my life Share my innermost thoughts Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side And give me support And in return He'll get my support He will listen to me When I want to speak About the world we live in And life in general
Though my views may be wrong They may even be perverted He'll hear me out And wont easily be converted To my way of thinking
In fact he'll often disagree But at the end of it all He will understand me Aaaahhhhh....
I want somebody who cares For me passionately With every thought and With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things In a different light All the things I detest I will almost like
and when Im asleep I want somebody Who will put their arms around me And kiss me tenderly
niEnnA ANariOn todAys JouRnEy @ 7:24 PM
God is my Shepherd
I couldnt sleep when i needed to, before myAuckland flight on the 26th, Its been hard to sleep for me lately.. its the twice time.. so i decided to pray and read the bible.. I havent been going to church for the past few months.. I have renungan harian (daily cogitation) for the month of march, but what the heck i'll just use that for this month.. so i read the verse for 26th of march.. it says to read Psalm 90.. and on my daily cogitation book, it basically says dont look on a situation on just the negative perspective, like eeyore (winnie the pooh's buddy).. it says to do what Moses did.. Moses wrote it with a positive perspective eventho he's been in a rough patch.. and in the bottom it says : When trials assail and my moods descend, When pain and sorrow seem never to end, I yield to You, Lord so that I may see The peace and the joy You've promised me. - Fitzhugh
and I was thinking.. gadamn.. how come its just such a coincidence?? exactly what im feeling and what i need for. and then when i came back from auckland, my other flatmate broke down to me.. so i told her, i found this verse and told her to read it.. and she read it, after i woke up she msgd me and asked me to go to church together.. so we went :) she's catholic.. but its all the same anyways.. I called my mom last nite.. and told her what happened.. and she said.. if ur in trouble and u read the bible, Tuhan akan tunjukan ayat yang menghibur untukmu dan membantumu dalam kesusahan. I think its right.. Im gona try to be more positive, but sigh its so hard.. but i'll try.. God is my shepherd.. at the end of this, happines awaits me.. amin.
niEnnA ANariOn todAys JouRnEy @ 5:32 PM
Monday, July 23, 2007
Lonely as F***
at this point, most of people i know are stressed out.. including me but i try to keep it inside and just complain about it, knowing that theyre stressed out making me feel worse.. its even making the things i kept inside explode.. and when it explode, u just cant help it..
When ur stressed out, plus you're away from ur love ones.. it just a combo package of stressness.. and ur around with new people that ur still getting to know to (and not sure if they can be trully trusted or simply theyre not the same like the friends u have back home or it just takes time) it makes it harder (but at this point, the ones that we have is us) so we feel very much alone.. feeling like no one we can hold on to, grab to, cry to.. well, nothing much we can do right now beside just wait and deal with it, till we get used to it.. but basically we just need someone that we can hold and just be there beside us.. (a warm hug would be perfect) someone who can really make e us feel at home, so eventho everything is f*cked up right now, at least i have you.. you ease my hell days into a better day..
my wish is to be able to get by from this, hoping that after all the pain, after 2 years, i'll have the greatest days of my life, i have a great future and a family to look forward to. im trying, its hard but im trying to keep movin. smiling eventho i dont like it, apologize eventho im not doing anything wrong, thankful eventho no one is doing a favor for me, be very sorry and guilty eventho i didnt kill anyone, taking it all in. because, in doing this, i can help people i love smiling, i always think of it as a motivation.. i am willing to sacrifice to see them smiling.
and in you God, in ur plan.. everything will be good in time. Accepting hardships as the pathway to greatness ahead. I know you have a reason for this, at the moment i dont quite understand why, why u gave me this one instead of the one i wanted.. i would be able to know, when im at the other end of the line. I believe you will help me get thru this.. =) You will make me stronger.. amin to that.
Counting days to freedom.. tick tick tick.. still a looooong way to go. time please go by quick!
In saying this doesnt mean that my love ones arent there for me at the moment, they are and i appreciate it and grateful. but i just need physical existence right now.
niEnnA ANariOn todAys JouRnEy @ 3:48 AM
<-- what u need to know -->
known as: JeAnE FeLLma
height & weight : 167 cm, 50 kg
nationality: IndoNEsiAn n PROUD to b 1..
status : Single (again?) haha =p
LocaTion : JakArTa
MaJor : IT @ UPH
contact: my EmaiL
:: right now
book: ComICs, mAGz, ChiCkEn sOup..
song: mosTLy rNb..
Fav song : Sassey - kiss you
mood: i'M oWkiE.. ;)
:: digs in
gAin hAppinEss By juSt cHiLLin w fRIenDs
LovE GOin 2 d mOviEs oR juSt wAtCh IT on DvD
gAmE fReAk (pc)
crAzy 4 Pink
- sELf impROvemENts
- nEw knOwLEdgE
- "maLes" rEMovEr as in LAZY
- pass ALL my classes - gain sELf COnfiDENce
- remoVE thosE LOw sELF confidEnce