Lonely as F***

at this point, most of people i know are stressed out.. including me but i try to keep it inside and just complain about it, knowing that theyre stressed out making me feel worse.. its even making the things i kept inside explode.. and when it explode, u just cant help it..

When ur stressed out, plus you're away from ur love ones.. it just a combo package of stressness.. and ur around with new people that ur still getting to know to (and not sure if they can be trully trusted or simply theyre not the same like the friends u have back home or it just takes time) it makes it harder (but at this point, the ones that we have is us) so we feel very much alone.. feeling like no one we can hold on to, grab to, cry to.. well, nothing much we can do right now beside just wait and deal with it, till we get used to it.. but basically we just need someone that we can hold and just be there beside us.. (a warm hug would be perfect) someone who can really make e us feel at home, so eventho everything is f*cked up right now, at least i have you.. you ease my hell days into a better day..

my wish is to be able to get by from this, hoping that after all the pain, after 2 years, i'll have the greatest days of my life, i have a great future and a family to look forward to. im trying, its hard but im trying to keep movin. smiling eventho i dont like it, apologize eventho im not doing anything wrong, thankful eventho no one is doing a favor for me, be very sorry and guilty eventho i didnt kill anyone, taking it all in. because, in doing this, i can help people i love smiling, i always think of it as a motivation.. i am willing to sacrifice to see them smiling.

and in you God, in ur plan.. everything will be good in time. Accepting hardships as the pathway to greatness ahead. I know you have a reason for this, at the moment i dont quite understand why, why u gave me this one instead of the one i wanted.. i would be able to know, when im at the other end of the line. I believe you will help me get thru this.. =) You will make me stronger.. amin to that.

Counting days to freedom.. tick tick tick.. still a looooong way to go. time please go by quick!

In saying this doesnt mean that my love ones arent there for me at the moment, they are and i appreciate it and grateful. but i just need physical existence right now.