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Tuesday, October 10, 2006

step up

i now about this movie from when i watched sean paul's video and i couldnt wait to watch it, i didnt really get to see the dancers faces really closely, but i realised that the guy is hot.
after the movie got out, ive been wanting to watch it, but no one was really interested in watching it, so i watched it a month after which was yesterday. 9th of oct.
1st of all before i give you any comments about the movie, i watched she's the man a few days ago, and there was this guy who i think is hottt.. his name is channing tatum, he can play soccer so thats a plus. then when step up started i was shocked that
he's starring the movie.. i was like what???he can dance???well i saw him danced a bit and do a bit of flip on she's the man, but i didnt know that he danceeeeeeed realllllllly wellll.. i love his attitude, love the way he talked
and dressed, ooo my god he's soooooooo sexyyyy and im so inlove with him, a guy who can play soccer, basketball and dance really great.. not to mention a total hottie with great body???what else can you ask for in a guy????FYI he can undress me anytimeeeee!! hahahaha ok my slut attitude is coming out when it comes to him.
so anyways back to the movie..
the movie is about a mixture of hiphop dancing and ballet. kind of like save the last dance but this one is way better!! like most of movies that focused on other than the story (ex : sports, dance) they have a cheesy story line, unless theyre based on true story.
usually this kind of movie doesnt involve sex either, the choreograph in this movie is real good, i know there's nothing more to the story but i love it, it'd be great if the story is as good as the dancing, like the fact that mario didnt play as himself, he didnt dance nor sing.
this movie got me all hyped again, i feel like i want to go take dance lessons again, make dance group again, practice with friends, just like i usually did since elementary. its sooo much fun, i never skipped on any dance exercises, it stopped when i went to uni tho, UPH group didnt exist and when it did lets just say it wasnt appealing.
i didnt take any dance lessons either, started taking one on the last smester of uni, which was a bad timing and it only lasted for 2 months at INTERLUDE cuz i had to focus on my study, now im back in ciputat where everywhere is far and i dont have a car. it just kills your mood.
when i get to spore I'll start practicin again, i'll check that underground mrt street hiphop dancers that i heard about or just take a class, i promise. i wanna learn capoeira, salsa, jazz and i'll start working out again and do what i love doin. yeaaaaaaaa boiiiiiii!!

niEnnA ANariOn todAys JouRnEy @ 8:07 PM

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Is Love Replaceable?

Looking back at my love life. I remembered when i started liking a boy wen i was in TK O kecil, I was living at sungai pakning, Riau. then my fam moved to jakarta, a cpl years from that i liked a guy named kingsih, gosh i still remember his name, then few other guys. i started dating a boy when i was SMP, 1st year. this guy asked me to be his gf and said he liked me and I said yes, basketball court and our bikes was our witnesses, i remembered how happy i was not because i really2 inlike the guy but it felt good knowing that i have a bf for the very 1st time, i couldnt stop smiling or thinking about it. did u remember having ur 1st bf/gf? yea thats exactly how i felt more or less. the next day he didnt call me and we didnt see each other too and the the next day, the next day and so on. so thats how my longest shortest 1st ever relationship, wait.. or is it shortest longest relationship? we didnt end it but we werent really dating too.. hahahah his name was samsul btw, not long after that i realized i was fooled, poor me.

2nd bf was when i was on my 2nd or 3rd year of junior hi, we met at PIM, ngeceng di mall was so in at that time, my style was kriskros style, remember?baggy jeans, kemeja kotak2 ngatung with a tite white tshirt inside, he was the cutest guy there, thats what i remembered, him and his friends came up to me and asked my number, this was in remember???hahaha you know this. his name was dillan and he looks cute but he's the type of playboy bad boy pretty boy???hope that make sense. not long after that he was mine, turned out this boy was the heartthrob of his school, some chick even called me asking if i was his gf and shit, i mustve been his #34867 gf or something, we broke up a month later, after that there was this cute guy i met at dufan.. so funny. then it takes while after i had my next bf, maybe because i was a tomboy (starting with my head bleeding from throwing eachother rocks with a friend for fun, thinking of it now, it was a stupid and dangerous way of fun, then when i got punched by this kid and his friends when i stood up for my lil couzin cuz they bugged us, when i stabbed a classmate's hand with a pen cuz he was going to tell my momma that i had 5 on my exam, when i got kicked at stomach and hrew things at some guys at class, well yea you get the point), dating to me was only status, didnt want anyone to tell me what to do, i didnt want to have any bf cuz i was sick of hearing the drama of my bestfriends relationships at that time, they cried but theyre still with them for oh so many ears, i couldnt get why they stayed, i was very naive and innocent hahaha i even thought kissing is tabboo! i never liked a guy less than 1, today i like this boy, tom this boy, ok sometimes i like 4-5 boys at the same time, i can like them for years but once they like me back i dont like them anymore, i felt that the rush and challenge is gone and thats not fun anymore. then i had my next bf in hi skul, his name was endra.. it didnt last too long, just around a month, then he was angry cuz i broke up with him with no reason, who wouldnt anyway. then after a while we had a brief of fling, just for vals day. i remember i didnt want to do a single date, i had to force puti to accompany me during the date hahah and he would bring his friends too. on for a year i prayed so i would have my 1st serious bf that would last more than a year and it happened. when i got to uni i met a guy thru puti, we became close as friends, we did stupid things at the mall, he had a lot of cewek impian segala jaman aka eligible gfs to be, he even said that to their face infact he said that when he 1st saw me, it was at mensa(food court), i was talking to puti and he asked puti to introduce me to him. he was a funny guy, loud, talks a lot, cuek but sweet at the same time, fam guy, for people who knows him he's a loveable person, for some who dont he can be very irritating and a pain in the ass, he's the type of person you love to hate becuz of his natural way of looking and talking to people, i learned a lot of this relationship. we dated more or less on and off HTS vacum whatever u call it for maybe 2,5 years?not sure.. at the point when we broke up, i fell down deep, i felt that i lost my half, how cud i not?i saw him everyday, from seeing him everyday to seeing nothing, we were like an icon, you get that from people who dated more than 2,5 years. especially if you are in the same campus and often sees together.

i saw him from going to campus in the morning, in the food court on a break, to eat, to go home from uni, to hang out wherever, all that.. that for 2 years, so you get how devastated i was when we broke up. he was my 1st love, so of course i felt that he's irreplaceable, yea you get how important he was to me, i got my very 1st HIT n i learnt a lot from it, it was hard, real hard, i thought i could never love again, was too soon to judge huh? I was so lazy to start over, but i managed to deal with it and got over him.
i dated 2 guys after him, it was nothing serious at all, they were all nice but you know how when you see a person, you just know what this person can be in your life in a single look?yea im like that, i saw FRIEND on their forehead, but i was in denial. a year after i broke up with my 1st love, a month after i broke up with this other guy i dated, i was dating a guy who i 2ndly love so much in my life, it felt so right, it felt so real, we clicked right away, i felt comfort, we met at a club on his 21st bday, it was funny.. i saw him grinding few other chicks at the club and i shook my head and laughed at him but that was before i came to be his next victim, he asked me to dance a few times but i rejected him, the next time he asked i was ga enak to say no so I said yes and that was it, the chemistry was great and he's a great dancer, i fell easily on that 1.
he gave me a hat (with initial B on it) that he put on me while we danced, he said just hold it when i wanted to give it back, i was thinking "why he giving me his hat and said to hold it, we aint gonna see each other anyways" then adjie said thats an old trick in the book, he gave you that so he can asked you to meet up with him again to return the hat, trust me tommorow he'll sms u to ask you out"
and he did. smart boy hey? boys take notes if you have to. it didnt take long from that, 2 weeks only, i think the 4th time we met we ended up dating, it was at ario's place hahah. his name is bian, he's very talented in what he loves doin, cool guy, quiet, sensitive, family guy, sweet, real and genuine. maybe one of what i love the most from him is his big family, especially his mom, love you tante upi.. i felt very welcome, i felt at home, they were all really nice, i love them to death, still miss em.

i love coming to his family events either its just dinner, or big family gathering where his aunties, couzins, kids around, loud, fun, just having family good time. thats how i would imagine my family would be, i want to have a family just like that one day, kids around, brothers and sisters, dancing poco2 or whatever, conversations, laughters, all that. maybe because my family dont do that anymore. we dated for 1yr and almost 3 months.
i had my 2nd hit, i thought 1st hit was the hardest and 2nd will be easier to go through, but its not cuz maybe the love was greater than the 1st, its as much painful as the 1st. i couldnt understand why it could happen again to me and why i let it happened, i was in shock and i couldnt believe it. i fell hard again, man my ass hurts from falling twice, i felt so tired of heartache and so tired to start over again and just wanted to be alone and i promised i wouldnt repeat the same mistake again ever.

it wasnt easy, i tell you, i hated not being invited to his family events anymore (of course i didnt get invited, its obvious we've broken up) but i wanted to go hahaha. i dated a guy briefly 6 months after the break up, not long after that i "met" a guy who i 3rdly love very much in my life, a month later i literally met him, it was funny (too), i was so nervous that i asked 5 of my bestfriends to meet him which turned out to be 25+ people coming to meet him.
how awful can that be???everyone was waiting for him, when he came, he had to introduced himself to 25+ people closest to fellma, WELCOME!!! all of them were watching us, i was too nervous too talk, i felt uncomfy to do anything, it was a disaster to me, i felt that i needed to apologize and organize things all over again and i did. the next meeting turned out to be the best day that ive been in a long time, i had loads of fun then i had to wait for 2 months to be able to see him, didnt complain, i knew it had to happen anyway. his name is ricky, he's a great guy, smart, talks a lot, funny ass, very silly, my fav writer, knows a lot of things means you can spend hours talking about anything, he makes my world so colorful just like the song, now we've been dating for 8 months, not long but this is nothing yet, i want to find out and explore so much more, i want to see more fights, laughters, tears, fun.. that i look forward to.
whats my point here??why am i giving exclusive infos about fellma panjaitan that no one cares to know anyways?

in summary..
when i had my 1st love, i thought MANNN i love this guy so much and i dont want to lose him, i wouldnt love anyone else this much but then we broke up and i met my 2nd and i thought, its so easy to love this guy, i love this guy sooo much, i hope him to be my last, god please lead me the way if he is and then we broke up and i met my 3rd which i really love and ive been waiting for, i would want him to be my last. you get me???

you thought u could never find someone else ever again, you would never love again, but u do.. you find someone and he replaced the VIP place in your heart
and you fall again and you would be really2 tired of it and BAM you meet another "too precious to let go" again and he replaced the VIP place in your heart again..
makes you think.. what did that i really feel back then, was it wrong??you thought he was the best and then come a better person, better is relative but i mean better FOR YOU!!
you thought he was "the one", then he's not anymore?? they all spoke of marriage 1st, did they mean it? is it that easy to speak of thing such as marriage? 1st u cant picture them in ur life then after they said it, u start to imagine it, u start to hope and then reality hits u, you have to drown those hopes away.. then u have a new "the one" u wanted to get married with them, have kids with them.. and then it just change?

i dont believe bian replaced boim and ricky replaced bian..
i think each person are ireplaceable.. each person are unique, they have certain place in my heart.. i loved them, and still love them in a different degree of course.
boim and bian onced filled the special place in my heart, the same place that ricky is in now..
does that mean LOVE is replaceable?

then what is true love?does it exist?

niEnnA ANariOn todAys JouRnEy @ 9:36 PM

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